VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES
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Company Policy: Effective from January 2006

Dress Code
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It is advised that you come to work dressed according to
your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying
a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and
therefore do not need raise. If you dress poorly, you need
to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer
clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you
dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
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We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
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Each employee will receive 104Annual Leave days a year. They
are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
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This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can
do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the
funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be
glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
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Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There
is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At
the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a
picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic
offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
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Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get
15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
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